SAYS FYL

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thess. 5:11)

What sets Adriene apart from many people I know is her affirmations. Her compliments, observations, and feedback are always cushioned in thoughtful specifics. Instead of stopping at, “You did a great job,” she says things like, “I appreciate your presentations. You are poised and articulate, and your material is always well planned and relevant.”

That extra step changes everything. It takes a polite comment beyond social obligation and turns it into something meaningful and sincere—something capable of building trust, deepening connection, and making people feel genuinely seen. Research backs this up. Studies on encouragement and compliments show that affirming words positively affect both the giver and the receiver, strengthening social bonds and increasing well-being on both sides. Interestingly, researchers also found that people consistently underestimate how meaningful their encouraging words are to others. Turns out there’s something deeply human about being noticed.

It was her father’s death that taught Adriene the importance of affirmation. At his funeral, person after person shared wonderful things they appreciated about him. As she listened, she found herself wishing people had told him these things while he was alive. There had been seasons in his life when he faced criticism and difficulties. How different those years might have been for him had these positive affirmations been expressed directly to him!

Many years ago, I met a school principal who inspired me like Adriene does. In his bedroom sat a small desk with a stack of blank cards and a roll of postage stamps. Every evening, he wrote notes to at least three people he had interacted with that day—thank-you notes, encouragement, appreciation, comfort. Small things, really. But not small to the people receiving them.

The more I reflect on people like Adriene and the principal, the more I realize how Christlike intentional encouragement really is. Jesus noticed goodness, sincerity, sacrifice, faith, and potential in people—and then He said those observations out loud. And those words mattered. Sometimes they were the difference between shame and dignity, between self-doubt and confidence, between feeling lost and knowing one was seen, valued, and saved.

About Nathanael He says, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit” (John 1:47). He notices the widow quietly giving her coins at the temple and honors her publicly (Mark 12:41–44). He defends Mary of Bethany by saying, “She has done a beautiful thing to me” (Mark 14:6–9). And to Peter, unstable and impulsive Peter, Jesus speaks not merely to who he is, but to who he can become: “On this rock I will build my church” (Matt. 16:18). Jesus saw people deeply, and then He said those observations out loud.

Maybe Christlikeness sometimes is less dramatic than we imagine. Maybe it is as simple as paying attention and intentionally speaking words of encouragement and affirmation.

Here are a few other passages to explore through that lens:

• Samaritan woman, John 4:1–42
• Zacchaeus, Luke 19:1–10
• Bent-over woman, Luke 13:10–17
• Children brought to Jesus, Mark 10:13–16
• Thief on the cross, Luke 23:39–43

As you read, consider these questions:

1. What specific quality or potential did Jesus notice in this person?
2. How might His words have changed the way they saw themselves?
3. How can I practice this same kind of intentional affirmation in my everyday relationships?

Feature image generated by AI