Roy and I are as mismatched and dissimilar a couple you can find. We neither share interests nor agree on anything. And the almost 20 years of marriage have failed to make any progress towards compatibility.
Roy’s the guy on the very tip of the farthest end from the other guy who remembers his lady’s favorite restaurant and color and ends phone conversations with “Love you.” While most men gush out “honey” every few sentences, Roy yells “Yo” or lets out a dog whistle.
I could list 100 annoying things about him in 5 minutes flat. Yet there are about 10 other things he does as father and husband that totally tip the scale.
1. Assigns himself all poop jobs that gross me out–diapers, litter box, vomit, etc.
2. Creates rituals that breed warm-fuzzy feelings–makes his special stash of coffee, just for Jez, every weekend; places a bar of dark Godiva on my pillow on random evenings; gives Sky no occasion gifts of antique knick-knacks.
3. Talks to the pets in a silly baby voice that turns them into Jello creatures.
4. Covers and tucks me in throughout the night. (I kick the sheets off and then curl up feeling cold.)
5. Calls my mother every Thursday.
6. Keeps my kitchen sink and counters free of dirty dishes. (He’s quite OCD with this one. The moment an empty cup hits the counter, it’s gone without the slightest chance of being reused. But, enough said; this is not the list of annoying habits.)
7. Saves every piece of ____–all my published work, the children’s school crafts and even an antler the dog brought home 15 years ago. (I, on the other hand, have yet to work on my firstborn’s baby book. He turned 25 this year.)
8. Fills my car with gas. (Like a ninja he disappears every now and then, and my car is magically never on empty.)
9. Makes a signature peanut butter sandwich. (He can’t heat leftovers, but the ritual and memories associated his peanut butter sandwiches have earned him a trophy from the kids. Even as adults, they rave about his sandwiches and ask him to fix them some.)
10. Trusts me completely. (If we were millionaires, I could easily take all the money and elope with the driver I’d have if I were a millionaire, and he wouldn’t have seen it coming.)
Says Fyl 